Be Fair
Be fair when you’re describing the situation and stating your objective. Consider the other person’s wants and needs along with your own. Avoid judgment and stick to the facts. Also be fair to yourself, don’t give in too soon or skew the facts to deprecate yourself.
No Apologies
Don’t apologize when you don’t have to. Asserting yourself and asking for what you need aren’t reasons to apologize. Neither is the way you feel or having a different point of view from the other person. It is okay to take up space. Only apologize when you have made a mistake or caused hurt.
Apologizing implies that you are in the wrong. Apologizing when you do not believe you are in the wrong will reduce your sense of effectiveness over time. It will minimize your own self-respect as well as get on others’ nerves.
Stick to Your Values
It’s scary to ask for change. It can feel like the other person might stop liking you if you do. This is most often not the case but it can be all too easy to be sucked into agreeing with something you don’t believe because of this fear. Make sure you confidently stick to your truth. Know what your values and morals are and don’t compromise them to avoid conflict or please the other person. Doing so will help you like yourself more over time.
Be Truthful
Avoid exaggerating. Stick to the facts, don’t stretch them. A pattern of dishonesty over time erodes your self-respect. Make sure not to make judgmental statements. If you do, just restate what you said with facts. Try not to act helpless when you are not, even if you are scared and insecure.
There are some instances where being truthful is actually destructive to the relationship. In these cases, you may want to skew the truth a little or tell a “little white lie.” You have to use yourWise Mindto guide you in deciding when this is appropriate.
Practice
It’s helpful to practice FAST when you’re not in an argument. Getting used to it and incorporating it into your life will help you use it when the situation gets more intense. Initiate small customer service interactions to practice FAST and other IE skills. Practice on trusted loved ones or a pet.
