Being alone on Valentine's Day may leave you feeling left out. It's easy to let the media and advertisem*nts make you feel like something is missing if you are not in a relationship on this particular day.
There are many reasons why you may find yourself alone on Valentine's day. Maybe you've chosen to be single or are not interested in a relationship. It's also possible that you're single for reasons outside of your control. For instance, maybe you're dealing with social anxiety disorder (SAD) and experience some fear in pursuing a romantic relationship.
Whatever the reason, as Valentine's Day approaches, you might be feeling feel like you're the only person in the world without a partner.
The best way to manage feelings of loneliness on this day involves shifting your focus, aiming to be happy with what you already have, and spending some time with yourself.
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At a Glance
If you are single and spending Valentine's Day alone this year, there are plenty of ways to distract yourself (and maybe even forget about the holiday altogether!). While you're at it, try to remind yourself of how wonderful you are and show yourself some compassion. If you're struggling with severe feelings of loneliness, it might be a good idea to reach out to a therapist. They can help you develop some healthy coping mechanisms.
Ignore Valentine's Day
There is no rule that you need to celebrate or even acknowledgeValentine's Day. However, don't let social media, store displays, or stories of others make you feel bad about your relationship status.
February 14th is just one day of the year. There is no reason why you can't treat it as though it's just another day.
Be Kind to Yourself
If you'd prefer not to ignore Valentine's Day, you can decide to make it a day to treat yourself well. Try some of the following self-care strategies:
- Eat your favorite foods
- Create a list of goals or intentions that you'd like to set for the day
- Engage in hobbies that you enjoy
- Sleep in late
- Take the day off work
- Write in a gratitude journal
If You Deal With Social Anxiety Disorder
A study published in 2012 in the journal Anxiety, Stress, and Copingshowed that people with SAD are less likely to show themselves self-compassion. This means that it's extra important for you to take the time to slow down and be aware of how you are treating yourself. Make time for yourself and show yourself some much-deserved love and kindness.
How Social Anxiety Affects Dating and Intimate Relationships
Be Your Own Secret Admirer
On Valentine's Day, you might start scrolling through social media and see all of the flowers and chocolates your coworkers, friends, and loved ones have received. But have you ever wondered if they might have sent them to themselves?
If you feel really down about being alone on Valentine's Day, go ahead and send yourself some flowers or your favorite candy to your place of work or your home. This gift will be special because you received it from someone who knows you best—you!
Avoid Love Triggers
Avoid watching romantic movies and listening to love songs because they may trigger even more feelings of loneliness on Valentine's Day. If a relationship has recently ended or you deal with social anxiety disorder, these types of activities may elicit sadness and feelings of depression about being alone during this holiday. Try watching a new show or a different genre as Valentine's Day approaches instead.
Social Anxiety Disorder and Depression
Make Other Plans
Plan a day revolving around a recreational activity or hobby unrelated to Valentine's Day. For example, you might:
- Go for a hike
- Schedule some time to take a long, relaxing bubble bath
- Order a meal from your favorite restaurant
- Play your favorite video game
- Try a new workout
Having plans to do something concrete will help to take your mind off the fact that you are single. This will give you time to shift your attention to yourself and relish your alone time.
Plus, if you choose something memorable, then each year, you will have something to celebrate on that date that extends beyond Valentine's Day.
Plan a Date With Single Friends
If you have single friends, plan a date night with them! Being in the company of others in the same situation will help to ease your loneliness.
Be sure to keep the night upbeat. Activities that the group could do might include the following:
- Play games
- Watch a movie together
- Cook a meal or prepare co*cktails together
In addition to feeling less lonely, spending some quality time with friends will keep your social skills strong and provide you with feelings of love on this day.
Relieve Stress and Bond More By Spending Less This Valentine’s Day
Reach Out to Someone
Take the opportunity to reach out to someone whom you haven't spoken to in a while. That person might be a family member, a friend, or even a potential romantic interest
You never know who might also be feeling lonely on Valentine's Day. They may welcome the chance to catch up and connect.
What Are the Mental Health Benefits of Volunteering?
Brighten Someone Else's Day
Do you know someone who has recently lost a significant other? A small gift on Valentine's Day would mean a lot and would make you feel good as well. Gift ideas might include:
- Gift basket with tea, coffee, or other goodies
- A promise of time spent together
- Flowers
- Homemade cookies or other treats
For Gift Giving, Research Shows It's the Thought That Counts
Keep Up Your Daily Routine
One of the best ways to deal with being alone on Valentine's Day is to go about your daily routine:
- Clean the house
- Go grocery shopping
- Exercise
- Walk your dog
- Prepare meals
- Get some work done
Do whatever you would normally do that day of the week; this will help to make it seem like just another day of the year.
The Importance of Maintaining Daily Routines
Play Cupid
Most people have never received a gift from a secret admirer. Consider anonymously sending a gift to someone in the same position as you. This doesn't need to be someone you have a romantic interest in—simply someone you want to see smile.
Include a note saying that you wanted to 'pay it forward this Valentine's Day.' Gift ideas could include:
- Books (with a special bookmark enclosed)
- Calendars
- Chocolates or candy
- Flowers
- Gift cards
- Gourmet food baskets
- Homemade gifts
How to Date Yourself (And Why You Should)
1 Source
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Werner KH, Jazaieri H, Goldin PR, Ziv M, Heimberg RG, Gross JJ.Self-compassion and social anxiety disorder.Anxiety Stress Coping. 2012;25(5):543-558. doi:10.1080/10615806.2011.608842
Additional Reading
Martin SM, Quirk SW. Social anxiety and the accuracy of predicted affect. Cogn Emot. 2015;29(1):51-63. doi:10.1080/02699931.2014.894905
Neumann ID, Slattery DA. Oxytocin in general anxiety and social fear: A translational approach. Biol Psychiatry. 2016;79(3):213–21. doi:10.1016/j.biopsych.2015.06.004
Porter E, Chambless DL. Shying away from a good thing: social anxiety in romantic relationships. J Clin Psychol. 2014;70(6):546–61. doi:10.1002/jclp.22048
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By Arlin Cuncic, MA
Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology.
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