Curious what it would be like towork or study abroad?My Life Abroadis a column by Her World that gives a glimpse into the lives of women from Singapore who have pursued their dreams and ambitions overseas.If you would like to share your experience, please email us atmagherworld@sph.com.sgwith the subject “My Life Abroad” in your email header, and one of our editors will get back to you.
In today’s column, we speak with 32-year-old Jill on how she is pursuing her PhD in Law in Amsterdam, where she has been for nearly three years. Before this, Jill worked in digital advertising in Singapore and studied in France and the UK.
People on the outside always see Amsterdam as very liberal because weed and sex work are legal here. But the longer I live here, the more it reminds me of Singapore. The technocratic style of governance is similar. One simple example is that all the trees in Amsterdam are mapped as data points as part of their urban planning efforts. There is also a large middle class here — people are economically well-off and tend to like similar things. In Singapore, the sameness could come through in the restaurants people frequent. Here, you also see it in the clothes people wear and the bikes people buy.
There’s a popular Dutch saying that encapsulates the need for normalcy (or conformity): “Doe eens normaal”, which translates to “just act normal”. The difference for me is that here, as an outsider, you are automatically considered as a foreigner, so perhaps you care less about adhering to societal norms.
After graduating with a master’s degree in political science, I wanted to go into research, whether academically or otherwise. This meant either joining a think tank, working for an NGO, or pursuing a PhD. If it were a PhD, I knew it had to be one that paid because as you get older, you don’t want to be struggling as a student anymore. That led me to where I am now, pursuing my PhD in the law faculty in the Netherlands where – similar to Belgium and most Scandinavian countries – you’re considered an employee rather than a student. The Collective Labour Agreement applies so you get a decent wage, and you don’t need a stipend or a scholarship.
It takes a lot to rebuild your life in a different culture and continent, and one of the hardest parts of building friendships in your late 20s or early 30s is not having that institutional setting that naturally puts you in a setting with like-minded people.
After studying in the UK and France, I made the very conscious choice to remain in Europe, in part due to the fact that there are more research-oriented opportunities there, as well as familiarity. It takes a lot to rebuild your life in a different culture and continent, and one of the hardest parts of building friendships in your late 20s or early 30s is not having that institutional setting that naturally puts you in a setting with like-minded people. Most of the people I hang out with now are friends I already had from before my PhD days, friends of friends or colleagues.
I do have a wider group of friends in Singapore, from different parts of my life since I grew up there, and still feel thankful for being able to stay close to my core group of friends. The dynamics of making and sustaining friends in Singapore and Amsterdam are certainly different though, particularly as you become busier with life as you get older.
What my work life is like
Work is very central in my life and the PhD can be very demanding. I didn’t know what to expect going into the programme but when the pandemic hit about two months after I started, I had to deal with my own self-expectations, and the pressures of academia without the perks like travelling for conferences, which are usually a great way to network, meet potential collaborators and discuss research. Luckily, I met colleagues whom I really got along with, even outside of the work context, which helped me to cope with the stress of academia, but also settling into a new place. I could also video call my friends in other parts of Europe, family and friends back home in Singapore, as everyone was collectively dealing with the pandemic.
The Dutch working culture in general is quite hands-off. You do what you need to do but there’s little importance on needing to be at your work desk at particular times, or at all.
In my PhD course, you’re very much accountable to yourself, your projects and the students who you’re teaching and grading. I have meetings with my supervisor about once a month but a lot of how I want to organise my time is up to me. The Dutch working culture in general is quite hands-off. You do what you need to do but there’s little importance on needing to be at your work desk at particular times, or at all. If you finish your work, you can wrap up for the day. From what I’ve observed of people outside of academia, starting work and ending work early – from 9 am to 4 pm or 5 pm – is the norm.
Inspired by the Black Lives Matter movement, two friends and I co-founded a non-profit organisation called the Racism and Technology Centre (https://racismandtechnology.center/). Part of the impetus was to channel the activist work that could not be done within the confines of my PhD and academia. More importantly, in our increasingly digital societies, we hope to help people understand that technology is not neutral, and it is embedded within the longer history of colonialism, racism, sexism, able-ism and so forth.
My co-founders may be in their 20s and 40s but we share similar values and they’re people I really trust, which is fundamental to doing work on these issues To be able to pursue my PhD work and run this non-profit keeps me feeling fulfilled, even though it can sometimes feel like I don’t have enough time in a day.
What I do on the weekends
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Sometimes I work during the weekends but I always try not to and instead, catch music performances, go to the museum, or watch a film at the cinema. The cinemas here are similar to The Projector in Singapore, showing a mix of old and new films. There’s a strong film culture here and for a monthly membership fee of about 20 Euros a month, you can watch an unlimited number of films. You could also buy a museum pass, which costs about 65 Euros and gives you access to different museums and exhibitions across the Netherlands for the whole year. In the summer, there are a bunch of music festivals and outdoor parties which are always pretty great.
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On average, there are more free or affordable things to do here than in Singapore. During the summer especially, you could just bike out and have a picnic in the parks or chill and swim by the canals, whereas it usually feels too hot and humid in Singapore to do the same.
Changes in my day-to-day habits
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Cycling is the easiest way to get around, especially if you're out late since the train doesn’t run after midnight. So I’ve learned to cycle everywhere, even when it’s cold and wet. I do struggle with being acclimated to biking in the cold and wet Dutch weather, so it’s obvious I’m not a local. They seem to effortlessly bike in sub-zero temperatures and pouring rain!
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I’ve also started cooking a lot more. In Amsterdam, it’s more common for friends to host dinner parties and socialise in each other’s homes than it is to go out to a restaurant. Eating out in Singapore is common because there’s a lot of affordable good food at hawker centres; here, you tend to catch up with friends at bars and only have dinners and lunches out if there’s a cause for celebration.
My living situation
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I share a two-bedroom flat with a flatmate though I’m thinking of moving in with my boyfriend because it feels right and also partly for economical reasons. Renting in general has been getting very expensive in Amsterdam, particularly in the past four to five years, and there have been many housing protests in response to it.
When I was in Paris, I was living in a studio in a central area that cost about 900 Euros a month, which is about the same as I’m paying now to share a two-bedroom flat within the canal ring of Amsterdam. It might not sound like much but wages in Europe are lower than in Singapore.
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It’s a privilege for me to be able to work overseas – even to have been able to study for my bachelor’s and master’s degrees abroad. It’s hard to say though if I’m happier where I am now or if I would’ve been happier if I stayed in Singapore. There’s no counterfactual in life, and happiness is a feeling, and never constant.
I do get a warm feeling whenever I am back in Singapore and one downside of being away from home is missing out on the big moments in my friends’ lives, such as seeing them get married and having kids. The Singapore underground dance music scene and community is also growing so nicely, and I really miss being part of that community. But accepting that you can’t have everything is also a part of the process of growing up.
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What feels right though is that being in Amsterdam enables me to do the work that I want, and feel is important. It also gives me more space and courage to grow into the person I want, and away from the societal expectations I’d feel restrained by at home, so I deeply appreciate this freedom and privilege.
It’s not to say I’ll never move back, like if my parents need me there someday. But since my late 20s, I’ve learned to make decisions on a smaller scale rather than always thinking I need to plan ahead. So much can change or happen in life that is beyond our control, even if we are sold the illusion that it is.
Where I am now isn’t where I thought I would be five years ago, and it has so far been a surprising adventure which has led me to so many good experiences and people!
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Since being away from Singapore, I’ve become more aware of who I am as a person, as well as the privilege that comes with being in Singapore, particularly as part of the Chinese majority. Reflecting more on my sense of identity and position in society is an ongoing process. On what it means to exist within a majority white European society, as well as reflecting upon my own background and having grown up in Singapore (a product of colonialism, which carries on until today).
Being away from home forces you to rely on yourself and build other networks of support, which is often taken for granted in Singapore. More importantly, being away for years now has really opened up and shaped my worldview in living and fighting for a world beyond yourself (or your immediate environment of family and friends).We are part of a larger whole, and of a world that is full of injustices and inequalities.
Living overseas has given me the courage to be more political, which can be difficult in Singapore and I feel lucky to be able to continue building a life that is oriented towards fighting for a more just future, and to have a partner, friends and other groups of people who are doing that alongside me.
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