How to Text a Guy First: 30+ Quick & Flirty Messages (2024)

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Co-authored byPatti Novak Williamsand Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: June 3, 2024Fact Checked

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1. Grab his attention by making your first text more than just “hi.” These days, “Hey, what’s up?” is a pretty old and basic greeting and not likely to elicit much enthusiasm from him. Give your first text some originality, and make sure it’s something the guy can easily respond to.^[1] The text above tells him that you’re really interested while also giving him a call to action! Other good examples include:

   • “In case you’re wondering: if you wanted to text me without waiting three days, you absolutely can.”
   • “Oh, wow! I was just about to delete this app, and then I saw you. How convenient!”
   • Whatever your first text says, use proper spelling and grammar. Guys react better to a properly spelled-out message when you’re still getting to know them.
   • Don’t reveal too much personal information about yourself at first. You’re still getting to know this guy; there will be time for more in-depth sharing later, and ideally, in person.^[2]

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1. Catch his eye by adding emojis to your message. Use emojis to playfully engage with the guy you're texting, as in the example above.^[3] Emojis are likely to get a fast response from him; in fact, one study suggests that people using emojis in their texts to potential romantic matches had a more active dating life!^[4]

   • “Guess which emoji I put next to your name in my contacts? 🤔”
   • “Tell me about your day using only emojis! 😆”
   • “What emoji do you think describes me?”
   • However you use emojis, make sure there’s context in the beginning—a string of emojis without an explanation can be confusing for your texting partner!

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1. Lead with a joke and get him laughing. Humor is a great way to capture someone’s attention at the beginning of a relationship; it’s a huge ice-breaker and an attractive quality in a potential partner.^[5] Send him one of your favorite memes or jokes to brighten his day. When you do this, you can also ask him to send one back and get to know his sense of humor, too!

   • “Why do I find this picture so funny?! 😂 ”
   • “Why should you tell an actor to break a leg? Can you guess? ...Because every play has a cast!”
   • “Quick, send me the last meme you saved on your phone!”

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1. Learn about him by asking for a recommendation. If you already know he’s a foodie or a film aficionado, then base your question on the things you know he likes. Otherwise, pick something easy that he’ll probably have an answer for regardless, like a new TV show to watch or a musician to listen to. He’ll appreciate your curiosity, and you can get to know his personal tastes.

   • “I love Mediterranean food, but I feel like I’ve tried everything! 😫 Any ideas on where to look?”
   • “I saw on your profile that you’re a fan of The Weeknd! Which songs do you recommend I listen to first?”
   • “I haven’t found anything like Game of Thrones since it ended. Do you know about any similar shows I could get hooked on?”
   • No matter what, keep the question light and fun, and give him time to answer—no need to start grilling him right off the bat!

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1. People love talking about their pets, so ask him if he has one. Maybe he mentioned having a pet when you first met, or his dating profile says that he has one. Ask him for pictures, and show him that you're interested in him and his furry friend. It's an easy, safe topic, and many people use the subject of their pets as a starting point for building a deeper relationship with others.^[6]

   • “LOVE seeing pictures of peoples’ pets, cats especially. Care to share any?”
   • “You have a dog?! 😍 Ours could be friends! Send a pic of your puppy, and I’ll send one, too.”

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1. Get him talking by finding common ground. Bring up a shared interest in a TV show, a music genre, or even a mutual favorite food. The key is finding something the two of you both enjoy enough to talk about for hours on end! Having things in common is one of the quickest ways to develop a real connection with him and get him to text back right away.^[7]

   • “What are your favorite hobbies?”
   • “I see you’re a BTS fan, too. Ever seen them in concert?!”
   • “You’re a foodie? Okay, big question here! Pineapple on pizza: genius or tragedy? 🍕”

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1. Get on his good side by paying him a compliment. Everyone enjoys being flattered, and he’s more likely to respond to a message telling him so clearly—and nicely—that you’re interested. Be as specific as you can with your text; rather than just saying, “You’re cute,” tell him why you think he’s cute, whether it’s his eyes, smile, personal style, sense of humor, or anything else.^[8]

   • “Your sense of style is on point. You really have a knack for picking flattering outfits! 🔥”
   • “Your smile makes me a little weak in the knees, you know!”
   • “You seem really smart! How did you learn so much about world history?”
   • Whatever you pick, make sure it's a genuine compliment! You don’t want to say something generic just to get him to talk to you. For instance, Mirgorodskaya says you don't have to just talk about his looks. Try complimenting him on his humor.

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1. Get (and keep) him talking with open-ended questions. The best way to engage with a guy while texting is to prompt him with open-ended questions, which are questions that call for longer responses and cannot be answered with just one word. This leaves both of you with room to react to one other and can quickly turn a single simple question into a full-blown text conversation.^[9]

   • “What are the top 5 things on your bucket list?”
   • “What are you the best at?”
   • You could also establish a consistent back-and-forth so that both of you can ask questions and get to know one another. “Want to play a game? You ask a question, then I’ll ask a question!”

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1. Suggest a plan to spend time together in person. If the goal is to get to know him better one-on-one, then bring up getting together in a way that shows you’ve actually thought about what the both of you might enjoy. As Mirgorodskaya advises, avoid vague invitations. For example, a tailored message like “We should watch a game together” says that you've been paying attention to his interests, and he’s more likely to take you up on the offer!

   • “I like to think I’m a bit of a coffee connoisseur. Do you know any places? Maybe we could check one out together!”
   • “Your profile says you like horror movies, right? I do, too, but I can never watch them alone! 😳 Want to keep me company and catch a movie at the theater this weekend?”

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1. Catch his attention with confidence. Not only is it acceptable for you to make the first move, but it’s also great if you decide to acknowledge it. Sending the first text tells him you’re bold and confident—and confidence is alluring!^[10] You shouldn’t brag; just be yourself and show him that you’re more focused on getting to know him than you are on following obsolete texting conventions.

   • “Let’s skip the small talk and get right to flirting - what do you say? 😘”
   • “What’s the cheesiest pick-up line you’ve ever heard? I want to see if I can beat it!”

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1. Send the first text, and then wait for his reply. If you don’t get a fast response, it can be tempting to send a second message or even a whole string of texts. Resist the urge to do this; while texting first is totally fine (and appreciated by many guys), rapid-fire texting kills the mood by making you look a little too needy.^[11] Relax, type out a clever first message, and let him come to you!

   • When you get a reply, don’t take too long to respond. Wait about an hour before you hit the “send” button again; replying instantly makes it seem like you’re overeager, and waiting until the next day tells him you’re not really interested.
   • The best time to send a first text is in the afternoon or evening (generally between 1 PM and 8 PM). That way, you won’t text too early or too late and wake him up.
   • Mirgorodskaya recommends that “if you’ve already gone on a few dates, [texting him] 2 to 3 times a week is a steady tempo. Enough to stay on the radar, but also infrequent enough to give the other person space.”

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